Matt For It: Elton's Birthday Bash 'Gayest Ever'

Elton John's 60th birthday bash, which takes place on March 25th in New York, will be the "gayest ever", according to Elton himself.

"I've had some very gay birthday parties in the past," Elton told Matt For It, "but they will all look positively straight when compared to this year's party. It will be unbelievably gay."

GAY SAUSAGE

Everything, from the guest-list to the food, will be "totally gay", said Elton. A team of top chefs have been flown in specially to prepare a suitably gay menu, including: gay ice cream, gay sausages, gay jelly and the gayest birthday cake in the world, shaped like a gay cock.

Elton John...gay.

GAY STUDIES

While the gay community prepares itself for the gayest day in it's gay social calender, some are less than gay (in the happy sense, not the gay sense) about the planned gay party.

"Elton John is being reckless and extremely selfish with this party," says Dr. Martin Gaybones, Doctor of Gay Studies at the University of Gaysville. "Gay is not an infinite resource, and it's supples are dwindling all the time, thanks to the Gay Pride marches, gay TV shows like 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' and 'Will and Grace', and gay singers like that gay one from Boyzone. Elton's party itself will drain a further 0.23% from the gay resources, which may not sound like much, but it may mean another gay man's gay birthday party will only be 'slightly camp' as opposed to 'fully gay.' "

Elton John has refused to comment on Dr. Gaybones' report, but has allegedly agreed to plant several gay trees after his gay party, to help replenish gay stocks.

Gay Elton John's gay birthday party will take place this Sunday, or 'Sungay', as it has now been rechristened.

- Matt X