Best or Worst: Mugs.

BEST or WORST?

Welcome to yet another new column for The Best Bit of the Internet, where we will review products for YOU so you can decide whether or not to buy them, as our opinions are ALWAYS RIGHT and should be adhered to RIGIDLY.

Today, we take a look at MUGS.

We don't know about you, but we are fed up of pouring scalding hot drinks into our cupped hands, just to enjoy some tea or coffee. There has to be a better way to enjoy our favourite drinks, without winding up in the Emergency Ward?

Well, now there is - mugs. These drinking vessels purport to eliminate those burnt-hand blues by providing a receptacle in which hot beverages can be stored, ready to be drunk at your leisure. So, does the mug work, or are they making mugs of us all?


Design

The mug certainly looks nice, having been carefully crafted out of ceramic materials and rounded off with a lovely glazed finish. A sole handle sits on the side, lending the mug an economy of design that only adds to its charm. Unfussy, uncomplicated and unobtrusive, the mug will surely go down in history as a design classic, to be imitated for years to come.


Functionality

We found the mug to be extremely easy to use, as befits its simple design. You simply fill the mug up with a hot beverage of your choice, and then drink said beverage in your own time. Thanks to the thick walls of the mug, the drink retains its heat for an extended period of time, meaning it can be drunk as and when the drinker sees fit. However, we did find that the mug could be rather hot to the touch after filling it up with a boiling hot drink, and we were concerned that we might hurt our delicate hands.

"...a genius innovation".

That is where the handle comes in. Whereas previous versions of the mug have been distinctly handle-less, the makers of the mug have listened to consumer feedback and added a simple handle to the design of this latest model. It is a genius innovation, which allows users to pick up the mug with far greater ease and comfort, and without sustaining any injury. It is a masterstroke which we feel elevates the mug to 'must-have' status.


Durability

The mug is a rather fragile item, which will chip or shatter if treated roughly, or hurled angrily at a cheating spouse. However, if properly taken care of, the mug could last forever, providing you with a lifetime of drinking pleasure.


Conclusion

We cannot rate the mug highly enough. If you like hot drinks, then look no further - this is the perfect storage device. CHEERS!


Rating

BEST

- tested by Andy Fanton.

The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't Do 2

Hello and welcome again to The Best Bit of the Internet's 'The Best Bits of the Internet that We Didn't Do...2'! (APPLAUSE, CHEERING).

Right! Without further ado, here are some things we've found on the internet that we didn't do, but are still Quite Good nonetheless. Soooooo....

Pringle Bells

Some of our good chums are in a band, and as such they like to make music. One of the musics they made recently was a Christmas-themed jingle for everyone's favourite tube-based snack, Pringles, as part of a competition run by the crunchy crisp corporation. Below is the band's masterpiece, set to a lovely animated video involving snowmen. And crisps. Watch it, love it, and then why not vote for it on the Pringles site, so that they might win and maybe treat us to a delicious Pringle. Do it, or little baby Christ will cry for all infinity.

Crispy Christmas

Vote for this video at the Pringles Jingles site!

Snowfun

Yeah, we know, we know. We've run articles about this virtual snowman maker before, but the truth is we love it and we love its creator, the marvelous Mike Whaite. So we'll continue posting about it until EVERYONE on the ENTIRE INTERNET has visited it. Like these three folks, who've submitted their fine efforts here:

Dirty Snow by Beennzzz of Stealthy Bean. Filth. Utter FILTH. (Excellent, 5/5)




Snow Globes by Olga, The Traveling Bra. Nice snowy peaks, there.




Manny, by Jack Ferguson. A snow-alien-cowboy. No, we don't know either.

And Now the Huey Lewis and the News

Over at Mattress Police, the ever-excellent Diesel has decided to give his blog a profound meaning and purpose, by campaigning to get Huey Lewis and the News back on constant rotation on radio stations across the land. We here at The Best Bit of the Internet fully support this cause, and urge you to join this important crusade. Need more convincing? How about this, then?...



You know what to do.

Finally

Finally, a bit of the internet we DID do. The Astonishing Adventures of Lord Likely sees the titular aristocrat embark upon a BRAND-NEW adventure, entitled the Curious Case of the Conjuring Calamity. Of course, the fact we did it makes it entirely brilliant, plus this is the perfect jumping on point for those foolish imbeciles who have yet to sample his lordship's delights. Join the adventure, here!

That's it. We're spent. BYEEEE!

- Fanton.

The Best Fun: Build a Snowman Without Freezing Your Balls Off

So, it is November; the nights are getting darker, a chill fills the air and Winter's ice-cold hands will soon be upon us, like some kind of zombie bastard clawing at your face, trying to feast on your warm, squidgy brains.

But you know what else Winter brings, right? Yup - SNOW!

Snow is great fun. You can compact it into balls and hurl it at the heads of unsuspecting relatives, you can write your name in it or you can eat it in a desperate bid to stay alive when you find yourself trapped on a mountain, having already eaten your best friend who gave his life so that you might live. Ah, yes. Great times.

Another reason that snow is so fucking ace is that you can use it to make snowmen. Or snow-women. Or snow people-of-no-specific-gender, if you wish to be politically correct. You freak.

But what if you like to build snowmen, but don't like freezing your bits off in the ice-cold air? What if you are allergic to snow? What if snow terrifies you beyond all belief? What if snow killed your family? WHAT CAN YOU DO THEN?

Well, luckily help is at hand courtesy of the excellent Mr. Michael Whaite. Mike, as the more attentive among you might recall, is the frankly brilliant animator who worked with us on the pilot episode for our Carrotty Kid cartoon, which was bloody ace. And so is he.

Well, now Mike has come up with Snowfun, a brilliant way for you (yes, YOU) to build yourself a snowman online, without having to ever leave the warmth and comfort of your home, and without that annoyance of getting frostbite and DYING.

We here at The Best Bit of the Internet think Snowfun is cocking well fab. For example, we spent far too much time messing around with it earlier, to create these two lovely, snowy tributes to our very own Lord Likely, and his man-servant, Botter. BEHOLD:



Ah-hahaha! Boy, we are so funny.

If you think you're anywhere near as hilarious as we are, then...well, you're wrong, obviously. I mean look, we did a snowman pissing on another snowman! THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY! Still, if you insist that you too can make excellent virtual snowmen, then head on over to Snowfun, peruse the gallery and then put your gloves on and get building!

Feel free to share any of your doubtless hideous creations with us here, or by e-mailing us at andy fanton at google mail dot com

Have fun, you crazy kids. And wrap up warm.

- Mr. Andy Fanton.

The Best Advice: Making Money

The Best Bit of the Internet Presents:

THE BEST ADVICE

1. Making a Shitload of Money on the Internet

Yeah, you've heard it all before. You've probably all read John Chow, or Problogger or any of the other countless blogs and sites all offering you fail-safe advice on how to find your riches in the virtual hills of the internet.

Well forget them. Those guys? Pfffft. They don't know their assholes from their SEOs. Luckily, The Best Bit of the Internet is on hand with REAL advice on how to make those big bucks. Trust us, we know what we're talking about. We all have solid-gold trousers on, and drink champagne from glass slippers all day. SO LISTEN UP!

Step One: FORGET CONTENT! Dullards often say, 'Hey! If you write consistently good, well-written content, people will find it and you will soon rake in the cash!'

WRONG!

People don't have a clue. People know SHIT. People pay good money to watch Rob Schneider movies, or to go to James Blunt concerts. People are STUPID. Don't try to pander to some imagined army of rich intellectuals trawling the internet for a good read, eager to reward the author with cash money. They don't exist. All the really clever people are out getting drunk on yachts, not reading your bloody blog. Remember that.

So, always just write the bare minimum. Don't put too much thought into the content, because your readers won't want to think too much. They'll more than likely have stumbled across your site by accident anyway, looking for nude pictures of some big-titted bint from Heroes, or something. Which brings us on to step two...

Step Two: SEX SELLS! Fact: the internet was invented solely as a means of sharing pornography. Al Gore made the internet back in 1993, when he desperately wanted a wank but had left his copy of Hairy Dairy back in the office. Luckily, Bill Clinton had two copies, so he posted one to Al by express mail. As Al spanked himself silly over the pictures of farmers fucking, he thought that it would be 'really neat' if people could send each other porn really quickly by computer. Thus, the internet was born. True story, look it up.

Now, you can either ignore this fact, and pretend the internet was made to 'link people together', or 'to share information' or whatever other bollocks people say to fool themselves.

OR: you can embrace the truth, and cater for the largest audience on the net - the hairy-palmed virgins desperate to see a bit of tit. Usually, illustrating your post with a semi-clad female will do the trick.


Hear that sound? That's the sound of hundreds of sweaty-browed teenage boys hitting your website!

You don't even have to use pictures, if you're the prudish type. A few liberally-placed references to sexual organs or fucking throughout your site will get you more unsuspecting readers. A cock here, a pair of big, bouncy boobies there, a woman with a dick in her mouth there, and you're away. All you have to do now is get the sudden influx of readers to click on your ads and make you some dough. Talking of which...

Step Three: SELL YOUR ARSE OFF! Don't be timid about fully embracing the seedy world of click-thru adverts, affiliates, banners and other such shit. Hey, you want to make money, don't you? SO GO AND MAKE SOME!

Plaster your blog with gaudy adverts and flashing banners and spinning graphics. Don't stop until your blog looks like a billboard designed by coked-up junkies, leaving your disoriented readers with little option to click on one of the ads in the absence of any non-advertising space. And hey - don't feel guilty or dirty, you are on the internet, now. Your soul disappeared a long time ago. ADVERTISE AWAY!

Step Four: Drink Diet Coke. Buy an XBox 360. Treat yourself to a delicious bucket of KFC! Watch Heroes. Click here to buy more stuff! CONSUME!

Step Five: failing the above, simply set up a blog dispensing vague but important-sounding advice about how to make money online. Post a picture of yourself looking ridiculously smug and knowledgeable, so people will trust you. Also, a picture of a fast car of shiny pants will make you look really swish and stinking rich. Re-write the same article every few weeks, pepper your posts with affiliate links, fill every nook and cranny with ads and sponsors and watch the money roll in.

Congratulations! You are now officially a rich bastard. WELL DONE!

- by Andy Fanton, CEO of LookAtAllMyCash.com

The Best is Back!

Hello, and welcome back to The Best Bit of the Internet!

Yes, like a sexy phoenix from the flames, The Best Bit of the Internet has risen once more, nearly two months after being shot dead by trained assassins.

With so many (fucking BRILLIANT) ideas bubbling away in our collective heads, we here at Crazy Kids Productions (that's us) decided that rather than constantly making new blogs and sites for everything (only for them to then go unattended for months when we get bored of the idea), we'd much rather just reinstate The Best Bit of the Internet to house them all again, under one roof. ONE REALLY EXCELLENT ROOF!

Just below this post (probably one of the BEST posts you've ever read, right?) you'll find new Anthology of Awful, Take Life From Behind, and Carrotty Kid; as well as all-new additions to the Best Bit roster, like Stink Crescent Meadows, Suck My Hollywood and The Shits O'Clock News.

Bloody hell, there's some good stuff right there.

So: we're back. Keep watching this very space for more best bits - and tell your friends that The Best Bit of the Internet is back, back, BACK!

HOORAY!

- Fanton.

Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

The Simpsons Movie, Cert. PG, 87 minutes, dir: David Silverman.

The Simpsons finally make the leap to the silver screen...or should that be the YELLOW screen (as they are yellow)?

No, you're probably right.

Anyway, The Simpsons Movie is here at last, is the general gist of what I'm trying to say, and happily I can also add to that the following: it's good. Very good.

When Lake Springfield's levels of pollution reach alarmingly dangerous heights, Springield is put on 'Code Black' . ("Code black? Oh, man. Black's the worst colour," says Lennny, before turning to Karl and adding, "...no offence.") This means that the lake is out of bounds as a dumping ground for the town's inhabitants, but of course, while the townsfolk adhere to this new rule, it only takes one certain Homer J. Simpson to shun the new rule, leaving Springfield to be ruled as an environmental danger and placed under a large dome....cue antics.

This film is a slender 87 minutes long, and rolls along at a fair old pace, never once letting up with it's barrage of visual comedy (especially Bart's nude skateboarding scene), well-written gags, satire and downright stupidity. While it is true to say that it does pretty much feel like a feature-length episode, it's a GOOD full-length episode, thanks to the writers being largely those responsible for penning the show during it's 'golden period', as opposed to those pushing the pens as it gradually declined. So, we get a more emotional story, with a strong, family theme, as opposed to a wacky 'What'll Homer do next???'- type tale that has plagued the later series'. Although, having said that, he does get up to plenty of ker-azy shenanigans.

The animation is excellent, largely eschewing fancy CGI for the rough-and-ready 2D style of the TV series, occasionally enlivened with some 3D effects in a manner similar to Futurama. It looks lovely, and is never overbearing or poorly executed.

The film is not perfect, however and some characters - such as Lisa's love interest - seem superfluous, but then again creator Matt Groening has hinted that events in the film will lead into the next season of the show, so maybe more will become of them then. Also, some of the supporting cast are rather noticeable by their absence. Mr. Burns, for example, is not used as much as I'd have liked, but with such an extensive repertoire of minor players to choose from, there's always going to be someone's favourite who has been sidelined.

Overall then, this does pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a Simpsons Movie: it's The Simpsons, in a movie, and it's top-quality Simpsons at that, with many genuine laugh-out-loud moments. If the movie is anything to go by, The Simpsons have rediscovered their mojo, which is good news for the future of the series.

Best Bit of the Internet Rate-O-Matic: 8/10.

The Best Bit of the Internet reserves the right to change our opinions after further views of the movie, or if it seems everyone else disagrees, and we decide to change our mind to fit in better with the cool kids.