The Shits O'Clock News: Opinion Box

The Shits O'Clock News Opinion Box

The recent suicide attempt by Zoolander and Royal Tenenbaums star Owen Wilson is obviously a terrible and tragic event, but what do YOU think about it? The Shits O'Clock News hit the streets to find out.

"It's a cocking disgrace," said Mr. Marty Fuck, a dick polisher from Verwood in Dorset. "Why did it have to be poor Owen Wilson? He is brilliant, and has a fantastic wonky nose. Why couldn't it have been someone shit, like Rob Schneider or Martin Lawrence? It's fucking crazy."

This statement was echoed by a Miss Lucy Plops, of Birmingham. "A cunt like Vinnie Jones or the Wayans brothers should have been in that hospital now, driven to slashing their wrists in the realisation that they do nothing but inflict utterly shit movies on the movie-going public. Owen Wilson is too ace to be there."

Owen Wilson - 'excellent'.

"If there was any justice in the world, Jude Law would have not only overdosed on drugs, but then ran onto some train tracks and exploded under the wheels of an oncoming freight train. It definitely should not have been Owen Wilson, who is brill," said Mr. Alan Mirkin, a horse fucker from Somerset.

"I cannot believe that Kate Hudson ditched Owen for Dax Shepard, who is the very definition of wank," Mr. Kenneth Hedgerow, a retired rapist from London told Opinion Box. "Did you see Employee of the Month? Absolute toss. He should have sucked an exhaust pipe the moment he signed up for Without A Paddle."

So, there you have it, the Great British public have spoken, and what do they say?

Owen Wilson is fucking excellent. Join in the discussion today, in the comments section.

- Report filed by Sir Renchard Likely